I
Dear Journal,
Lights never ending in this bare cell. But this woman who shares the last name of Smith, is it possible for even a second that she could be my mother. But that was the least of my worries, I worry that I will betray Julia because of the physical torture they I will endure. Any second I could be dragged away to Room 101. But as O' Brien is captured as well, my future seems to ominous. I beg of the Brotherhood to just send me a razor blade, so I can end this now. I would rather be dead than to have my elbow smashed every day.
II
Dear Journal,
O' Brien was there putting the pain on me, cranking the dial to my pain up every time I disagreed with him. But I cannot endure and must give in to the lie that O' Brien is holding up five fingers when he is actually holding up four. O' Brien is not the source of the pain though because it is not possible because he is the force making it go away. I am crushed to find my love betray is what O' Brien said to be "immediately." Not even putting up a fight, or even a struggle.
III
Dear Journal,
I cannot own my mind in this world, for the pain involved in keeping it is far to severe. O' Brien totures me to say the goal of the party is perpetual power. I cannot say that the universe is out of their control. But the minute O' Brien handed me the mirror I was brought back into reality, with every valley of my aging face. Why did O' Brien do this to me? I should have known this is how it would end when I started my diary.
IV
Dear Journal,
After I comply to what O' Brien says, they allow me to be transfered into more comfortable. For a mere second I thought that I could believe the Party slogans. But the more I think about these slogans the more I hate them. The more I hate Big Brother and if I can die hating Big Brother I have accomplished something. Even though the name Julia slipped from my lips and I must now return to Room 101, in the end it will be worth it. I am determined to keep my feelings and ideas.
V
Dear Journal,
I have betrayed Julia. How could I not they pulled out my biggest fear and pushed it onto me. I have been defeated.
IV
Dear Journal,
A free man, I can barely even put together what had happened. When I see Julia, sparks do not fly. I told her I betrayed her and she tells me that she betrayed me. Although we say we will meet again, neither of us has the intent of carrying out this action. As I see the poster of Big Brother, I feel safe and surprisingly content.